hey corwin here i like to take pictures and i love music , but yeah mostly im really into photography right now , and women , and food omg egg rolls , pizza, oh and movies and ill try anything at least once haha well have fun on my crazy blog :D chill lovers
“I thought, possibly, that what I really needed was to go where nobody knew me and start over again, with none of my previous decisions, conversations, or expectations coming with me.”
Well if you were all wondering…. life still sucks … I’m going nowhere fast and I’m looking at a lonely life cause I’m picky and I dont much like people so I dont put myself out there… when I do I get ignored or slammed back to earth
I woke up one morning to the smell of something burning coming from the kitchen. Immediately, I jumped out of bed, threw on my bathrobe over myself since I was only wearing a long night shirt and bolted to the kitchen.
“Ezra.” I sighed, relieved to find that it was only him, scraping whatever was burning into the trashcan. “What are you doing here?“
He laughed, throwing the frying pan and spatula into the sink. “Well, I was attempting to surprise you with a lovely breakfast this morning, but as you can see, I sort of ruined it.”
I shook my head, pretending to be disappointed. “Well, I guess it’s the thought that counts.”
“Exactly.” He said, grabbing a large brown bag from the kitchen table and he handed it to me. “And I knew there was a good chance that I’d screw up breakfast, so I made sure to have a back up plan. I got you these…”
I opened the bag and pulled out a bouquet of red and white roses.
“Geeze, Ezra,” I smiled, giving him a quick peck on the lips. “Thank you. They’re beautiful.”
“You’re welcome.” He chuckled, his face slightly red after the kiss. “Happy Birthday.”
I gave him a stunned look. “Wow, I completely forgot…”
“I had a feeling you might have.” He said. “I hope you didn’t have any plans for tonight. I made dinner reservations at this restaurant I think you’ll really like. They have amazing Italian food…“
“You don’t have to take me to dinner.” I found a vase to put the roses in and filled it with water. “Really, the flowers are definitely enough.”
“Nonsense.” He sat on the kitchen counter. “It’s your Birthday. I already made the reservations and I figured we could spend the day together, do whatever you want…”
I sighed, placing the flowers in the vase and set them on the table. “Angelica and I were supposed to go shopping. I kind of can’t fit into any of my clothes at the moment.”
“I’ll take you.” He insisted. “You can pick out something nice to wear to dinner tonight.”
“Oh, alright,” I groaned, but gave in. “Fine. God you’re so persistent…”
He laughed. “I’m glad you noticed.”
Ezra made himself some coffee while I quickly showered and got dressed for the day.
We ended up at the nearest mall after stopping at a coffee shop for a quick breakfast that wasn’t burnt. Although I tried on what felt like a million dresses in several stores, at 17 weeks pregnant, it was nearly impossible to find anything that fit or that I felt confident and comfortable in.
I was trying to squeeze into a really pretty and elegant red silk dress that Ezra had picked out, probably the 7th dress in the current store we were in. Ezra was waiting outside of the fitting room, while I grew more and more discouraged as I messed with the zipper on the side of the dress.
“What’s taking so long?” Ezra asked. “Come out. I want to see it on you.”
“Well, I don’t think that’s going to happen.” I said, giving up on my fight with the zipper. I tried to get the dress off but it was stuck. I tugged on the zipper and tried to slip out of it, when I heard the fabric tear. “Fuck…”
“Everything alright in there?”
He tapped on the door of the fitting room stall.
I found myself sitting on the floor with the torn dress half zipped up, sobbing.
”(Y/N)?“ He opened the door and looked down at me, a puzzled look on his face.
“I r-ruined the dress.” I blubbered. “I-I’m fat and I ruined the dress…”
A slight smile crept on his face that he failed to hold back and he laughed.
“It’s not funny…”
“It’s a little funny.” He said, holding out his hand and I took it and he helped me up.
“And you’re not fat. You’re pregnant. Maybe you’ll have better luck in a maternity shop. I think there’s one only a few blocks from here…”
I was still crying; It was definitely the hormones.
“Hey,” Ezra said softly, wiping the tears running down my cheek with his hand. “Don’t feel bad, okay? So what if your clothes don’t fit and you can’t squeeze into a few dresses at the moment? Even pregnant, you’re still really cute.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “Cute? What am I? A puppy?”
“Oh, you’re definitely much cuter than a puppy.” He smiled. “Besides, I’m more of a cat person so…”
I couldn’t help but laugh at his dorkiness as I shut the fitting room door. Somehow I managed to get the dress off and quickly changed into my own clothes before we left the store.
“Will you still think I’m cute when I’m huge?” I asked as we strolled through the city. It was a really nice day and instead of driving, we decided to walk. “Like, so huge that I won’t be able to see my feet or tie my own shoes?”
“Oh, I can only imagine that you’ll be even cuter.” He said. “But I consider myself a bit biased. Josh told me that there’s like some weird psychological phenomenon that happens when a guy gets a girl pregnant that makes him infatuated with her changing body…”
“Ew,” I stuck out my tongue. “I didn’t think that Josh was such a pervert. And why are you talking about my ‘changing body’ with your friends? You’ve only seen me naked one time and you were really drunk. And it’s not like you’ve seen me naked since you knocked me up…”
“Oh, relax,” Ezra chuckled. “It’s just Josh. And he’s not a pervert.Well, alright, all guys are perverts, including myself. But I can’t say that he’s wrong. I may have only seen you naked once, but I definitely wouldn’t turn down a second opportunity.“
“Well, you might just have to work really hard to earn that second opportunity.” I teased.
We ended up at a baby store. It was strange seeing so many couples looking at baby things excitedly, thrilled over the idea of their future little ones.
It was probably just all in my head, but I felt like Ezra and I stuck out like a sore thumb. We were most likely the youngest future parents in there and definitely the most clueless as we took in everything around us that we would eventually need to purchase for the baby.
“This is a little overwhelming.” I said as we looked around.
“I know whatcha mean,” Ezra was holding up a pair of newborn socks. “Look how tiny these things are. Talk about overwhelming. Overwhelmingly fucking adorable. ”
“I meant the idea of us being parents.” I said. “Neither of us know a single thing about parenting. Look at all this stuff…” I picked up a pack of binkies. “Do we even want our baby to use a binkie? And I’ve never changed a single diaper in my life. Have you?”
“This is me you’re talking to.” Ezra joked, but he turned to me. “(Y/N), we are going to be fine. Sure, we might not know what we’re doing at first and we might make a few little mistakes here and there, but we’ll figure it out along the way.“
I sighed. “It’ll definitely be quite the learning experience…”
We walked around for maybe another hour before leaving empty handed. We decided it would be best to sit down sometime soon and discuss together everything that we would need for the baby.
Right next door there was a maternity shop. I was too embarrassed to even go into the store, but Ezra insisted that I couldn’t live in sweatpants every day and he offered to get me a few things. I caved in after a few minutes of bickering and ended up settling with a pair of jeans, a few blouses and a dress that Ezra had picked out. It was a soft cream colored ensemble, modest, covering my whole chest, but with no sleeves. It came down just above my knees and had an elastic band under the breasts that made the dress roomy for my growing belly, so I would most likely be able to wear it throughout the entire pregnancy.
I ended up wearing the dress to dinner that evening and I was glad because the restaurant was somewhat fancy, although nothing too extreme, but still expensive. We only got interrupted by one of his fans and spent most of the time talking about his tour coming up. I was happy for him and could see that is was a big deal for his music career and future, not to mention it warmed my heart to see his eyes light up whenever he talked about it. He would only be away for 2 weeks at the most anyway and would be back before the baby arrived.
After dinner, we went back to his apartment. I had changed into one of his old band t shirts and some sweatpants and was relaxing on the couch, sleepy with a full tummy. Ezra was sitting on the floor, leaning against the couch as he strummed at his guitar. He was pretty good, but when it came to his band, he left the guitar playing to Lilah, being the drummer of the group.
Still, it was nice to lay there and hear him play and humming softly to himself.
I was starting to doze off when I felt a sudden fluttering in my stomach. I opened my eyes, placing my hand on my belly. I winced, letting out a groan, feeling it again, the second time much stronger.
“You okay?” Ezra tilted his head back looking at me.
”Yeah, I’m fine.” I sighed. “I think the baby’s kicking…”
His eyes were big as he turned around completely facing me, setting his guitar down. “Seriously?”
I didn’t answer right away, both of my hands resting on my stomach. Then I felt more movement and I laughed. “Yep, definitely kicking.”
“Can…I feel?” Ezra asked shyly and I couldn’t help but giggle at his bashfulness.
“Yeah, sure.” I scooted over to give him room on the couch, laying on my back and he sat next to me.
He was eager but very gentle as he placed his hand on the center of my tummy. We were both quiet as he kept his hand there for a minute or two.
”I don’t feel anything.” Ezra said.
”Try talking to the baby.” I suggested.
“Okay” He chuckled and cleared his throat before he spoke. “ Uh, hi baby. It’s Ezra, um, daddy. I don’t really know what to say. I don’t even know if you can hear me. But I can’t wait to meet you in a few months. For now, I hope you’re happy in mommy’s belly. And I want you to know that I’m going to try my best to be a good dad and take care of you.” He looked up at me. “And your mother.”
I put my hand on top of his, when I felt several strong jolts right underneath his palm and he gasped.
“Wow….”
“Totally crazy, right?” I chuckled and he nodded. From the look of complete awe on his face, I knew he felt just as overwhelmed as I did.
And although, we were both overwhelmed by the idea of parenthood and having this baby, I knew we would be able to do it as long as we did it together.
